From Surviving to Creating: How I Went from “Why Isn’t This Working?” to Feeling Free

Three years ago I was so weighed down I didn’t want to get out of bed. My inner world felt dense, chaotic and so hopeless that I would often fantasise about erasing myself from existence. I was a single mum, trying to build a business, longing to attract a healthy relationship and feeling like I was failing on all fronts. Secretly I kept repeating a painful mantra: "there has to be more than this", yet my brain only seemed to answer with shame.

Living in a room of invisible walls

Trauma is not just a memory – it’s a physiological response. When we experience overwhelming events, our autonomic nervous system shifts into survival mode and can stay there long after the danger has passed. This survival state prioritises immediate safety over long‑term wellbeing, leading to chronic hyper‑arousal, vigilance, difficulty returning to a calm baseline and even disconnection from bodily sensations.

In my case, I wasn’t being chased by a lion but my nervous system reacted as if I was. Every unmet need – a crying six year old, a failed launch, an empty bed – felt like life‑or‑death proof that I was broken. Physically this looked like a racing heart, shallow breathing and exhaustion; psychologically it felt like there was a thick fog between me and every decision. I was stuck in what I later called the “Groundhog Day room”. I could see the walls, knew I was the one holding the chain, but could not find the door.

Rapid Resolution Therapy – clearing the root, not re‑living the pain

The turning point came when I stopped trying to analyse why I was like this and started working directly with my body and subconscious. I stumbled across THE most effective tool I've ever found (trust me, I tried them ALL before this - EFT, NLP, Reiki, EMDR, you name it, I did it!) was Rapid Resolution Therapy (RRT). RRT is a form of psychotherapy designed to resolve emotional and psychological issues quickly; it combines elements of hypnosis, neuro‑linguistic programming and cognitive‑behavioural therapy to communicate with the subconscious mind. Unlike traditional talk therapy, RRT does not ask clients to relive traumatic memories; instead, therapists use guided imagery, storytelling and metaphors to reframe how the brain processes distressing experiences. The goal is to identify and alter subconscious patterns that are still generating threat responses, enabling cognitive and emotional shifts without forcing the conscious mind to dredge up the past.

During sessions I discovered that my system wasn’t faulty – it had simply been trained to treat growth and change as danger. My subconscious was running programmes like “I’m unlovable” and “It never works for me”. No amount of journalling or affirmation could override them because those beliefs lived in the part of the mind that was designed to keep me safe. RRT allowed me to clear those “data glitches” at the root. As I was guided through metaphors and visualisations, I felt the emotional charge drain out of memories and the shame-laden beliefs dissolve. I wasn’t being rewired to be positive; I was being updated to recognise safety.

Safety is the pre‑condition for change

Modern neuroscience backs up what my body learned: feeling safe is not optional – it is the foundation for healing. Polyvagal Theory highlights that our sense of safety arises from neurophysiological states, and when we genuinely feel safe our nervous systems regulate themselves through neural circuits and maintain internal balance. These feelings of safety enhance social connection and reduce the need for energy‑consuming defence responses. Without a felt sense of safety, the brain interprets any discomfort as threat and re‑activates the old survival responses. That’s why I could do all the “right” mindset work and still feel like nothing was happening – my body didn’t believe I was safe to be in process.

Nervous system regulation practices complemented the subconscious work. Simple tools that combined visualisation with conscious breathing, bringing sensations outside of me so I felt like I had power over them for the first time in my life, and co‑regulation with safe people helped send my body the message that the danger had passed.

As my physiology shifted, my mind became quieter; my ability to access intuition and make decisions improved. It felt like magic, but it's actually science (who knew!!)

What changed when I stopped living in survival mode

Gradually the fog lifted. I stopped seeing every setback as proof of failure and started seeing it as data. The heavy depression loosened into sadness and then into sensation. The chronic emptiness made room for curiosity. The inner critic softened enough for me to notice that I am not my thoughts. I began to not just hear my intuition clearly again, but to trust it.

On a practical level, the shifts were dramatic:

• Love & connection: My greatest dream was to feel loved and safe in a relationship. As my nervous system learned that it was safe to receive support and my subconscious no longer ran “I’m unlovable”, I attracted and nurtured a healthy partnership. My partner and I co‑create a life that is stable and expansive; I feel seen, held and desired.

• Motherhood & business: I stopped equating my worth with productivity. The release of old shame gave me more patience with myself and my son. In business I began creating from inspiration rather than from fear of failing.

• Self‑relationship: The biggest change wasn’t external – it was the internal infrastructure I built. I now know that no matter what happens, I have my own back. When frustration or sadness arises, I don’t spiral into self‑destruction; I acknowledge the sensation, breathe, and let it move. My body no longer perceives every emotion as a threat; it knows discomfort is temporary and not dangerous.

  
  

An invitation

If my story resonates, please know this: you are not broken. Feeling stuck, depressed or hyper‑vigilant doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means your brilliant nervous system is doing its job, albeit too well! There is a way out. Therapies like Rapid Resolution Therapy work quickly by targeting the subconscious mind and do not require re‑experiencing trauma. Practices that reset the nervous system help your body feel safe enough to release old patterns. When the body feels safe, it supports homeostasis and growth.

It took courage to confront my survival patterns and to trust something new. But the payoff has been profound: I no longer feel like I’m living in a room of invisible walls. My life is spacious. I feel powerful, loved and deeply alive. And I know that this level of freedom isn’t just possible – it’s inevitable for anyone willing to meet their body where it is and update the subconscious stories keeping them in survival.

If you’re ready to stop carrying the weight of the past and start feeling safe in your own skin, start with my free 2-part audio series Drop the Pressure. You don’t have to do it alone.